Why one rejection stayed in my head for years, and what I do differently now.
The company where I did my internship turned me down twice. I had been sure they would take me. This is the story of how that “no” stayed in my head for years, how much time and energy that cost me, and what I try to do differently now.
My degree took 8 semesters, 4 years in total. Around semester 5 or 6, I did my internship at one company. After that, I went back to university to finish my studies.
When I graduated, I applied to the same company. I had already worked there as an intern, so I knew the place. I thought my time there would make it easy for them to take me.
It went the other way.
I went for two interviews there. Both times, the answer was no. I did not get in as a permanent staff member.
I still had to work, so I took a job at another place first. From the outside, I had moved on. I went to work and did what I had to do.
Deep down, I felt down. I kept asking myself the same question. Why was I still not picked? I had worked there before. I had expected to get the job. I couldn’t accept that I didn’t.
That feeling did not leave after a few days. It went on for weeks. Maybe months, maybe years. I thought about it every day, and it filled my head with clutter.
Looking back, I can see my mistake. The company said no twice. What kept me stuck for so long was holding on to what I had expected.
Today I see it differently. I can do my best, but the result is not mine to decide. As a Muslim, I believe the result is decided by Allah. My part is the effort.
A few weeks ago, I heard a line in an audiobook that put this into words: “Expect nothing, accept everything.” It looks simple. For me, it goes deep.
When I expect things outside me to go my way and they don’t, I get angry, sad or let down. Then I lose time and energy fighting what already happened. It’s like losing a game and calling it unfair. If I’m not happy with the result, I can play again until I win, instead of complaining.
I don’t take it to mean I stop trying. I still set expectations for myself, because my own effort is in my power. What I am trying now is to put no expectations on things I can’t control, and to accept what has already happened.
I only started this recently, so I can’t tell you it works yet. But I can tell you where I practise it most. At home.
I have two young children. Like all children, they cry, and sometimes they fight or grab things from each other. They don’t always know how to share. I did the same when I was small.
These days, I no longer expect them not to cry or not to fight. Children fight, and then they make up. My job is only to keep it under control until they do.
There is one thing I want to be clear about. Accepting what happened does not mean accepting everything. If someone hits or bullies me or someone else, I must act.
When I put the two stories side by side, I see the same lesson in both.
Do your best, then let the result go.
For me, that means giving my full effort to the part that is in my hands. When the result comes, I accept it, instead of replaying it in my head every day.
The company where I did my internship said no to me twice. That answer was never mine to decide.
How long I carried it was.
One thing that worked
The problem: Being down after something goes badly can last for weeks.
What I did:
1. I named it: “I’m down right now,” and why.
2. I set the time limit first: one to three hours alone, or less than a day for a big one.
3. When time was up, I asked, “What next?” and decided what to change.
How I know it worked: After a presentation went badly, I gave myself less than a day. The next day I was okay and had decided to fix my mistakes next time. After a bad first semester years ago, with no limit, I stayed down for weeks.
Next time you feel down, set the time limit first.
This worked for me, not medical advice. If the low feeling stays, talk to someone you trust or a doctor.
One small ask. If you read this by email, reply and tell me which story helped you most, and what you want more of. I read every reply.
That’s all for this week.
See you next Saturday.
Cheers,
Farhan Terubos
One true story from my own week, every Saturday.
Written for people building something of their own around a full-time job.
